This hurts me more than it hurts you...

Just one of the many mama-isms I find myself repeating these days.

I can remember the exact moment when this phrase first entered my mama vocabulary.
 Josephine was just 3 days old and her biliruben levels were too high for us to go home from the hospital. She had to spend 24 hours under those dreaded blue lights. We couldn't hold her. We couldn't snuggle her. The only time we could take her out was for feedings. Then right back under the lights she would go. I remember how exposed and vulnerable she looked. Unswaddled and unclothed. It broke my heart. It was necessary, though. And, it was something that clearly affected me more than it did her. She barely made a peep through the entire ordeal.

As time passed, I found myself thinking these words more and more.
The first round of vaccinations when we heard that new, heartbreaking cry. The time she screamed for 20 minutes straight in the car and it was all I could do to not pull off the road, scoop her up and make everything okay. 
And then there's tummy time. Oh, that dreaded, but necessary evil. Every time I see that little face just begging and pleading for us to pick her up, I just have to tell myself...this hurts me more than it hurts you, my little one. 

At least I hope it does. For her sake...

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