A lot changed when Josephine came in to our lives. 
Things that were once a priority got pushed to the side. I used to get so anxious if the house wasn't cleaned every week. Laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming. Those things get done, but not with the frequency of before baby. And I am okay with it. I have learned to let go a bit. Not stress over the little things. Parenthood provides plenty of its own worries, anxieties and frustrations.
I have a gorgeous, healthy, baby girl. I could not be luckier. But, from day one, we have been in a constant battle when it comes to nursing. Some days are better than others. When Pete gets home from work, he always asks if it was a good day. Lately, a good or bad day has revolved around whether or not I had to give Josephine a bottle. Everything else that happened that day could have been great, but if a bottle was involved, forget about it.
Yesterday, we had a great morning. She nursed like a champ, and I thought to myself, this is going to be a good day. We headed out the door to enjoy the unseasonably warm weather, and, well, that's where the good ends. From the moment we stepped outside, the girl lost it. Full on meltdown. I ended up carrying her in one hand, pushing the stroller in the other, all the while muttering to myself how silly I was to not turn back at the first signs of fussiness. I should have known better than to preemptively call it a good day. I jinxed it.
The rest of the day was spent trying to nurse her, giving up, giving a bottle, trying to get her to sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. By the time Pete got home I was ready to wave the white flag at motherhood. I went to bed in a foul mood, and just hoped that tomorrow would be better. 
 And, really, today hasn't been too terrible. But, there were bottles involved. And crying fits. And no napping. What can I do. I pick my battles. If she is happy and content after a bottle, then I should be happy, too. I need to learn to let go of these things a bit more. Sometimes I just need to choose to have a good day. Not focus on the one or two things that didn't go terribly well. Not let those things cast a cloud over all of the cute, adorable, cuddly moments that also happened. I'm working on it.


  1. Oh Erin, I know that feeling all to well! Just remember to give yourself some grace, and know that things will get easier!

    xo Maria

    1. Thanks, Maria! I needed to hear that today :)

  2. Hi lovely lady!!

    Oh I just want to give you a big hug because I remember those feelings all too well. My son probably could have won a gold medal at the Nursing Olympics, so when my daughter came along, I never even considered that I would have any trouble.

    Her reflux was so bad that nursing was a nightmare and I agonised and agonised over bottle vs breast.. I soo wanted to nurse her but she really needed thickened milk and I couldn't pump enough for the bottles. It really was very traumatic and I combo fed her for as long as I could, which wasn't long.

    Just know that you are a wonderful mother and the fact that you care so much is so admirable. Whatever way you go, breast or bottle - you are looking after the needs of your baby and that is the most important thing. You are doing a great job!! :)

    And thank you for following over at The Active Mum! I am really looking forward to getting to know you better! I'm about to be your newest follower too!

    Aanika Xx

  3. Oh if I could only tell you how many days I've had like this. The good news is, I survived every single one of them.

    And there's always wine and chocolate. That helps!


    1. Wine and chocolate do seem to help just about everything, thank goodness for that!


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